The Art of Dealing with Breaking Up: Get over those blues and Take Break-Ups Lightly
Gaurav Ojha
The Breakup Song from the Hindi movie Ae Dil Hai Mushkil interestingly challenges the age-old idea of breaking up as a regretful experience, after which an individual goes through periods of thoughtless pain, confusion, carelessness, dissolution, or even falls into a sheer sense of desperation. Maybe the next generation has a different perspective, like the female speaker in the song, who embraces her breakup as a kind of bittersweet celebration or an opportunity to reconnect with old friends.
Interestingly, even the male voice in the song cheers up the female character by saying that, rather than hanging on and grieving over a stalled, struck, and boring relationship, you have taken the right decision to break up with your boyfriend. Indeed, repetitions in love bring about boredom, which leads to breakups.
As all shallow-hearted lovers would agree, what is the point of continuing when there is nothing exciting or interesting left in the relationship to share together—when the same places, same faces, same jokes, and same old things add up to boredom?
Recently, I had an encounter at a coffee shop with a postgraduate man who was going through a brief phase of melancholy breakup himself. As he was getting ready for another rush, he told me that falling in love these days is like a white-water rafting adventure.
Comparing love with the excitement of rafting seems bizarre; from the beginning itself, love simply keeps going downhill. This analogy depicts loving relationships as something unstable yet joyfully throbbing; there is no destination to reach; it is all about how many bumps you get in the middle, all those highs and lows, and when the adventure is over, you step out of the boat and leave. Besides, there is so much more to live for than hanging yourself with break-up blues.
Get over those blues; don’t let them get you down. Get your life on track. It’s time to dance with yourself, sleep on the beds alone and find a way into another broken heart. After everything else in between, breakups are like a brief period of rest. And playing around with what a great philosopher has said—that you can’t jump into the same river twice—is not exciting; you need another set of curves and bumps for new thrills. Trust yourself; the relationship that is waiting for you is going to be more exciting and enriching than the life you have left behind.
Break-ups are a part of the ups and downs of the love cycle, and you will have to deal with them, as a college student explained about his break-up coping mechanism. After a brief heartbreak, I always remind myself that if I have good enough nets, there is nothing to worry about even if a fish jumps out of them—and that there are plenty of fish waiting for you to catch in the river. These break-ups are like small hurdles that you encounter while riding on your love bus.
What’s the point of trying to make something work when we both know we’ve had enough of each other? Without break-ups, dull and boring relationships would have only gotten worse. It is important to realize that sometimes in love, “better off” is better than “better together.” After all, we are just another man and woman in a big and exciting world where everything changes, everyone is selfish, and nothing is in our absolute control.
You are unforgettable, not the other person, and what is the purpose of remembering someone who has already forgotten you? Why hold on when hanging makes you feel exhausted? But don’t forget to think about how much you’ve grown into and out of your relationship. It’s okay, we all experience heartbreak at some point in our lives; it’s always painful to let go, and there’s always a tinge of regret, but listen to Adele sing, “Never mind, I’ll find someone like you.”
Failures hurt; you also carry some feelings that ignite a subliminal hope of turning things around, but as time passes, you also realize that mending the relationship will be like stitching a broken glass that will never hold the same intensity of love again. Sometimes you can’t remain or reframe yourself as the person she wants to be in love with, and other times she can’t be the person you want her to be.
Breakups teach you that you have to change the course of your love, realize that you probably were not the right person for her, check your wallet (yes, people are selfish), and rethink her expectations with your anticipation. Finally, when in a breakup, remind yourself that people come and go; they are like passengers on a bus; if one leaves, another will take up the seat, and even if no one sides with you for a while, learn to enjoy the ride alone. The only way out is to take breakups lightly, even if they hurt for a while. Let her go, love yourself, and let things settle down. There is no point in looking back.
